Stories by @vamporilla

Jingo (2020)

Discworld goes to war... A weathercock has risen from the sea of Discworld. Suddenly you can tell which way the wind is blowing. A new land has surfaced, and so have old feuds. And as two armies march, Commander Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch has got just a few hours to deal with a crime so big that there's no law against it. It's called "war." He's facing unpleasant foes who are out to get him... and that's just the people on *his* side. The enemy might be worse. And his pocket Dis-organiser says he's got "Die" under "Things To Do Today". But he'd better not, because the world's cleverest inventor and its most devious politician are on their way to the battlefield with a little package that's guaranteed to stop a battle... Discworld goes to war, with armies of sardines, warriors, fishermen, squid, and at least one very camp follower.

Carpe Jugulum (2020)

Mightily Oats has not picked a good time to be a priest. He thought he'd come to the mountain kingdom of Lancre for a simple little religious ceremony. Now he's caught up in a war between vampires and witches, and he's not sure there is a right side. There're the witches – young Agnes, who is really in two minds about everything, Magrat, who is trying to combine witchcraft and nappies, Nanny Ogg, who is far too knowing... and Granny Weatherwax, who is big trouble. And the vampires are intelligent – not easily got rid of with a garlic enema or by going to the window, grasping the curtains and saying, "I don't know about you, but isn't it a bit stuffy in here?" They've got style and fancy waistcoats. They're out of the casket and want a bite of the future. Mightily Oats knows he has a prayer, but wishes he had an axe.

Feet of Clay (2019)

A Discworld Whodunnit! Who's murdering harmless old men? Who's poisoning the Patrician? As autumn fogs hold Ankh-Morpork in their grip, the City Watch have to track down a murderer who can't be seen. Maybe the golems know something - but the solemn men of clay, who work all day and night and are never any trouble to anyone, have started to commit suicide... It's not as if the Watch hasn't got problems of its own. There's a werewolf suffering from Pre-Lunar Tension. Corporal Nobbs is hobnobbing with the nobs, and there's something really strange about the new dwarf recruit, especially his earrings and eyeshadow. Who can you trust when there are mobs on the streets and plotters in the dark and all the clues point the wrong way? In the gloom of the night, Watch Commander Sir Samuel Vimes finds that the truth might not be out there at all. It may be in amongst the words in the head. A chilling tale of poison and pottery.

Soul Music (2019)

Other children got given xylophones. Susan just had to ask her grandfather to take his vest off. Yes. There's a Death in the family. It's hard to grow up normally when Grandfather rides a white horse and wields a scythe – especially when you have to take over the family business, and everyone mistakes you for the Tooth Fairy. And especially when you have to face the new and addictive music that has entered the Discworld. It's Lawless. It changes people. It's called Music With Rocks In. It's got a beat and you can dance to it, but... it's alive. And it won't fade away.

Men at Arms (2019)

"Be a MAN in the City Watch! The City watch needs MEN!" But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-constable Angua (a woman ... most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving). And they need all the help they can get. Because there's evil in the air and murder afoot and something very nasty in the streets. It'd help if it could all be sorted out by noon, because that's when Captain Vimes is officially retiring, handing in his badge and getting married. And since this is Ankh-Morpork, noon promises to be not just high, but stinking.

Maskerade (2019)

The Opera House, Ankh-Morpork...a huge, rambling building, where masked figures and hooded shadows do wicked deeds in the wings...where dying the death on stage is a little bit more than just a metaphor...where innocent young sopranos are lured to their destiny by an evil mastermind in a hideously deformed evening dress... Where...there's a couple of old ladies in pointy hats eating peanuts in the stalls and looking at the big chandelier and saying things like: 'There's an accident waiting to happen if ever I saw one'. Yes... Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg, the Discworld's greatest witches, are back for an innocent night at the opera. So there's going to be trouble. (But nevertheless a good evening's entertainment with murders you can really hum.)

Interesting Times (2019)

Mighty Battles! Revolution! Death! War! (and his sons Terror and Panic, and daughter Clancy). The oldest and most inscrutable empire on the Discworld is in turmoil, brought about by the revolutionary treatise What I Did On My Holidays. Workers are uniting, with nothing to lose but their water buffaloes. Warlords are struggling for power. War (and Clancy) are spreading through the ancient cities. And all that stands in the way of terrible doom for everyone is: Rincewind the Wizzard, who can't even spell the word 'wizard'... Cohen the barbarian hero, five foot tall in his surgical sandals, who has had a lifetime's experience of not dying... and a very special butterfly.

Lords and Ladies (2019)

It's a hot Midsummer Night. The crop circles are turning up everywhere – even on the mustard-and-cress of Pewsey Ogg, aged four. And Magrat Garlick, witch, is going to be married in the morning... Everything ought to be going like a dream. But the Lancre All-Comers Morris Team have got drunk on a fairy mound and the elves have come back, bringing all those things traditionally associated with the magical, glittering realm of Faerie: cruelty, kidnapping, malice and evil, evil murder (but with tons of style). Granny Weatherwax and her tiny argumentative coven have really got their work cut out this time... With full supporting cast of dwarfs, wizards, trolls, Morris Dancers and one orang-utan. And lots of hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place.

Discworld (2018–2021 Amazon Series)

Who would play who if Discworld had an Amazon Prime series.

CATS (Ambilmation 1997)

The cast for the Cats animated movie from Amblimation if it ever got made.

Unavowed (Miniseries)

A miniseries adaptation of the video game "Unavowed".

CATS 2019 Animated (as it should have been)

A tribe of cats named the Jellicles celebrate at their annual Jellicle Ball.

Unseen Academicals (2021)

The wizards at Ankh-Morpork's Unseen University are renowned for many things—wisdom, magic, and their love of teatime—but athletics is most assuredly *not* on the list. So when Lord Vetinari, the city's benevolent tyrant, strongly suggests to Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully that the university revive an erstwhile tradition and once again put forth a football team composed of faculty, students, and staff—or lose the funding that pays for their nine daily meals—the wizards of UU find themselves in a quandary. To begin with, they have to figure out what it is that makes this sport of foot-the-ball so popular with Ankh-Morporkians of all ages and social strata. Then they have to learn how to play it. Oh, and on top of that, they must win a football match *without* using magic.

The Last Continent (2020)

This is the Discworld's last continent, a completely separate creation. It's hot. It's dry... very dry. There was this thing once called The Wet, which no one now believes in. Practically everything that's not poisonous is venomous. But it's the best bloody place in the world, all right? And it'll die in a few days. Except... Who is this hero striding across the red desert? Champion sheep shearer, horse rider, road warrior, beer drinker, bush ranger and someone who'll even eat a Meat Pie Floater when he's sober? A man in a hat, whose Luggage follows him on little legs, who's about to change history by preventing a swagman stealing a jumbuck by a billabong? Yes... all this place has between itself and wind-blown doom is Rincewind, the inept wizard who can't even spell "wizard". He's the only hero left. Still... no worries, eh?

Small Gods (2019)

Brutha is the Chosen One. His god has spoken to him, admittedly while currently in the shape of a tortoise. Brutha is a simple lad. He can't read. He can't write. He's pretty good at growing melons. And his wants are few. He wants to overthrow a huge and corrupt church. He wants to prevent a horrible holy war. He wants to stop the persecution of a philosopher who has dared to suggest that, contrary to the Church's dogma, the Discworld really does go through space on the back of an enormous turtle (which is true, but when has that ever mattered?). He wants peace and justice and brotherly love. He wants the Inquisition to stop torturing him now, please. But most of all, what he really wants, more than anything else, is for his god to Choose Someone Else...

Discworld (90s Animated Film)

The voice cast for an animated Discworld film from the 1990s.

Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned (Film Adaptation)

Gabriel Knight, an author who is descended from a family that combats supernatural evils, and Grace Nakimura, a student who assists Gabriel, become engaged in a case that involves tracking down a kidnapped infant by vampires that is connected to the Holy Grail and Jesus.

Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within (Film Adaptation)

"The Beast Within" follows the lives of Gabriel Knight, an author who is descended from a family that combats supernatural evils, and Grace Nakimura, a student who assists Gabriel, as they become involved in a new case within Germany that focuses around a werewolf that has begun killing people around the city of Munich.

Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers (Film Adaptation)

Gabriel Knight, a struggling writer living in New Orleans, investigates the Voodoo Murders going on in the city in hopes that it will give him inspiration for his new book.

Harold and Maude (Remake)

A heartwarming romantic black-comedy film about Harold, a rich 19-year-old boy obsessed with death, and his girlfriend, an eccentric 79-year-old woman named Maude.