Stories by @Jeshisthename

Heavy Traffic

Heavy Traffic is a 1973 American live-action/adult animated drama film written and directed by Ralph Bakshi. The film, which begins, ends, and occasionally combines with live-action, explores the often surreal fantasies of a young New York City cartoonist named Michael Corleone, using pinball imagery as a metaphor for inner-city life. Heavy Traffic was Bakshi and producer Steve Krantz's follow-up to the film Fritz the Cat. Though producer Krantz made varied attempts to produce an R-rated film, Heavy Traffic was given an X rating by the MPAA. The film received largely positive reviews and is widely considered to be Bakshi's biggest critical success.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙚

An Earth exploratory ship, the USS Palomino, discovers a black hole with a lost ship, the USS Cygnus, just outside its event horizon. Deciding to solve the mystery of the Cygnus are: the Palomino's Captain, Dan Holland; his First Officer, Lieutenant Charlie Pizer; journalist Harry Booth; scientist and ESP-sensitive Dr. Kate McCrae, whose father was the Cygnus's First Officer; Dr. Alex Durant, the expedition's civilian leader; and the robot known as V.I.N.CENT. The Palomino attempts a dangerous fly-by of the darkened ship. As they come within close range of it, the buffeting they experience (due to the black hole's gravity) suddenly ceases. They bring more instruments to bear on the derelict, but do not even realize the gravity-free zone is artificial; slipping outside it, they are almost drawn into the black hole, an abyss from which no one can escape. Matters worsen when Reinhardt holds the crew captive, after realizing that they can help him reach his goal. The squad must now figure out a way to flee from Reinhardt -- before it's too late.

Hazbin Hotel (Worst Possible Version)

Just as the title says, I want y’all to think of the worst possible cast for Vivienne Medrano’s smash-hit series Hazbin Hotel.

Who Should Visit the Criterion Closet Next?

To put in plainly, who would you most like to see pick out some movies from the Criterion Collection’s famously prestigious closet of critically acclaimed cinema.

The Little Prince

Based on the story by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, this magical musical fable begins as a pilot makes a forced landing on the barren Sahara Desert. He is befriended by a "little" prince from the planet Asteroid B-612. In the days that follow, the pilot learns of the small boy's history and planet-hopping journeys in which he met a King, a businessman, an historian, and a general. It isn't until he comes to Earth that the Little Prince learns the secrets of the importance of life from a Fox, a Snake, and the pilot.

𝑮𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑾𝒊𝒏𝒅

Scarlett is a woman who can deal with a nation at war, Atlanta burning, the Union Army carrying off everything from her beloved Tara, the carpetbaggers who arrive after the war. Scarlett is beautiful. She has vitality. But Ashley, the man she has wanted for so long, is going to marry his placid cousin, Melanie. Mammy warns Scarlett to behave herself at the party at Twelve Oaks. There is a new man there that day, the day the Civil War begins. Rhett Butler. Scarlett does not know he is in the room when she pleads with Ashley to choose her instead of Melanie.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties!

In honor of the upcoming 30th anniversary re-release; let us imagine for a moment if Netflix were desperate enough to make an interactive film adaptation of one of the worst "video games" of all time (a la Black Mirror: Bandersnatch & Kimmy V.S. The Reverend)

Academy Award Winning Movie

An adaptation of BriTANicK’s Oscar bait film trailer parody from 2011.

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee is a musical comedy with music and lyrics by William Finn, with a book written by Rachel Sheinkin, conceived by Rebecca Feldman with additional material by Jay Reiss. The show centers on a fictional spelling bee set in a geographically ambiguous Putnam Valley Middle School. Six quirky adolescents compete in the Bee, run by three equally quirky grown-ups.

Wonka: 1980s Edition

Wonka is a 2023 musical fantasy film directed by Paul King, who co-wrote the screenplay with Simon Farnaby, based on a story by King. It tells the origin story of Willy Wonka, a character in the 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, featuring his early days as a chocolatier. The film stars Timothée Chalamet in the title role and an ensemble cast including Calah Lane, Keegan-Michael Key, Paterson Joseph, Matt Lucas, Mathew Baynton, Sally Hawkins, Rowan Atkinson, Jim Carter, Natasha Rothwell, Olivia Colman, and Hugh Grant. It is the third live-action film based on Dahl's novel, following Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005).

Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang!

Eccentric inventor Caractacus Potts, his two children, and his beautiful lady friend, Truly Scrumptious, go on a picnic at the beach where they are soon whisked into a magical world of pirates, castles, and a flying car called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In the adventure that ensues, they journey to Vulgaria and encounter the evil tyrant Baron Bomburst and his child-hating wife, who kidnap Potts' children and steal Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. With the assistance of the kindly village toymaker, Potts plans an elaborate scheme to rescue the kidnapped children and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang from the Baron's castle on his birthday.

𝙼𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙵𝚎𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚜

Meet the Feebles (also known as Frogs of War in New Zealand as the film's English fake working title) is a 1989 New Zealand puppet musical black comedy film directed by Peter Jackson, and written by Jackson, Fran Walsh, Stephen Sinclair and Danny Mulheron (who also performed the body of lead character Heidi the Hippo). It features Jim Henson-esque puppets in a perverse comic satire.[4][5] Like Henson's Muppets, the Feebles are animal-figured puppets (plus some suited performers) who are members of a stage troupe. However, whereas the Muppets characterize positivity, naïve folly, and innocence, the Feebles largely present negativity, vice, and other misanthropic characteristics. It is the first Jackson film that was co-written by his future partner Fran Walsh, who has gone on to act as co-writer for all his subsequent films.

It Takes Two

A live action/ stop-motion movie retelling of 2021 the co-op platforming game that took the world by storm.

𝔄𝔷𝔯𝔞𝔢𝔩

A graduate student at Gotham University discovers a long-buried secret about his lineage and sets out to fulfill the bidding of a nefarious religious order; putting him in the crosshairs of Batman and his enemies.

Rose

When a terrifying dragon attacks the small towns of the Northern Valley, Princess Rose must defeat the bloodthirsty beast, who is possessed by the evil Lord of the locusts. While Rose faces the danger with honor, her elder sister, Princess Briar, follows a more sinister path.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝 𝙷𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢

The Secret History is an inverted detective story narrated by one of the six students, Richard Papen, who reflects years later upon the situation that led to the murder of their friend Edmund "Bunny" Corcoran – wherein the events leading up to the murder are revealed sequentially. The novel explores the circumstances and lasting effects of Bunny's death on the academically and socially isolated group of classics students of which he was a part.

𝕮𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊

A hulking monster stranded in a world he’s yet to fathom takes refuge in the cellar of a small family’s cottage.

Through the Looking-Glass

Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There (also known as Alice Through the Looking-Glass or simply Through the Looking-Glass) is a novel by Lewis Carroll, and the sequel to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Alice again enters a fantastical world, this time by climbing through a mirror into the world that she can see beyond it. There she finds that, just like a reflection, everything is reversed, including logic.

A Christmas Carol

Yeah... another one of these.

DeSade!

A pop-rock musical retelling of the life and times of infamous libertine writer Marquis de Sade: satirizing the likes of Hamilton and Spring Awakening.