Stories by @elvispresley2004

My Stepmother Is an Alien

Celeste (Kim Basinger) is an alien sent on a secret mission to Earth, and Steven Mills (Dan Aykroyd) is a widowed scientist who is working on different ways to send radio waves into deep space. Steven accidentally sends a radio wave out of the galaxy to Celeste's home world (Cosine N to the 8th) which causes a disruption of gravity on her planet. She is sent to investigate who could affect gravity and how it was done, believing that it was an attack. She is aided by an alien device (called Bag) resembling a tentacle with an eye, which hides in a designer purse to aid Celeste with her encounters on Earth. Bag is able to create any object, such as diamonds and designer dresses almost instantaneously. Celeste crashes a party hosted by Steven's brother Ron (Jon Lovitz), where she immediately draws attention to herself by making dated references to old TV shows and political slogans under the mistaken belief that it was current (her superiors had just collected the information, which had taken 92 years to get from Earth to her home world). Celeste's inexperience almost results in her exposing herself as alien when she struggles with simple tasks like trying to kiss for the first time or cooking. She goes home with Steven and spends the night, after Bag teaches her what sex is (which she greatly enjoys). Jessie Mills (Alyson Hannigan), Steven's 13-year-old daughter, is at first happy that her father has found someone (her mother died five years previously) but becomes suspicious when she observes Celeste eating the acid out of batteries, and pulling hard boiled eggs out of boiling hot water with her bare hands. However, she cannot convince her smitten father that something is unusual about Celeste, and when Celeste tells him that she must leave in 24 hours he impulsively proposes, and she accepts. Ron also has his doubts about Celeste and tries to dissuade Steven from marrying Celeste on the idea she is an illegal immigrant or planning economic espionage, but then admits he is jealous his brother found his dream girl whereas he will never find a girl like Princess Stéphanie of Monaco. Celeste encounters new experiences such as sneezing and love. When finally confronted about being an extraterrestrial by Jessie, Celeste admits her home world is without emotion. Celeste plans to depart once she discovers how Steven created the radio signal and gets him to recreate it (which she says will reverse the gravity problems on her world), but is put in a quandary by Jessie, who says it will devastate her father, for whom Celeste has now developed feelings. After Jessie argues with her dad, she runs away and is nearly hit by a car, but is saved by Celeste's powers. This reveals to Steven that Celeste is indeed an alien and that she has fallen in love with him and accepted Jessie as her own daughter. Steven eventually realizes how he was able to create the radio wave and manages to repeat it, reversing the gravity on Celeste's planet and saving it. After destroying Bag (which tried to kill them), the leaders of Celeste's home world report in and ask her to destroy the planet Earth. She and Steven manage to convince them it was not an act of aggression, but an accident, and that Earth has many benefits that require further studying. They accept the explanation and demand that Celeste return to explain human culture to them, but settle for a native of Earth to serve as ambassador to their world as a token of goodwill. The ambassadorship is accepted by Ron, who departs for Celeste's world in a spaceship served by several flight attendants, all of whom look like Princess Stéphanie.

Ace Ventura Jr.: Pet Detective

Ventura must follow in his father's (Ace Ventura Sr.'s) footsteps to save his mother from going to jail. In the beginning, Ace is chasing a rat that is referred to as a mouse. He catches it and walks straight into the alligator habitat. Later in a dream Ace sees a panda, Ting Tang, being captured. Soon his mother is blamed for the theft. She asks if she can make one phone call. She calls Rex Ventura, Ace's paternal grandfather, but not before a hilarious scene in which Ace Sr. exits from a Rhino. Rex tells Ace (Jr.) the history of the Ventura Family and their relationship with animals. Rex Ventura is an elderly man with several animals such as a cat, a turtle and a dog which Ace thinks is dead, but springs to life at the word "cream pie." At his mother's trial, Ace Jr. presents evidence that proves his mother couldn't have committed the crime of stealing Ting-Tang the panda; however, the Ranger (the one that Ace doesn't like), dismisses the evidence and Ace's mother is ultimately taken to jail. At school the next day, Ace hears that many of his classmates, including his crush, Laura (Emma Lockhart), have brutally murdered their pets. Laura has killed her pet emerald green koi fish. Ace goes to school the next day and talks to a boy nicknamed A-Plus (who is called this in jest, as the school recognizes no grade above an A). A-Plus has a hidden lab in his locker, which Ace uses as his office. They believe a scientist named Dr. Sickinger (Cullen Douglas), who's also somewhat insane, is the panda thief, primarily because he created a website called "PandaHub." However, Sickinger is ultimately proven innocent and ends up working with the kids to find out who the real culprit is. The kids discover that Sickinger used to work for Quenton Pennington Jr. (Reed Alexander), a rich kid whose family motto is, "What a Pennington wants a Pennington gets." In the end Ace finds that Pennington Sr. (Brian Patrick Clarke) stole Ting Tang, as well as a bunch of other famous animals (Tabby the tabby, Princess the lap dog, Freedom the hawk, and Callypso the magic horse), and that Pennington Jr. stole Ace's classmates' pets. His mother's name is finally cleared and is rewarded for his heroics. At this point in the movie, it is also discovered that Ace has been using extreme hallucinogens such as LSD throughout the whole film, and that the entire story is just a figment of Ace's imagination whilst high. Ace's father does not appear in this film. Until Rex comes in, whenever Ace Jr. would ask his mom about his dad, she would simply tell him that he had disappeared on a business trip when he was a baby and wouldn't go into any greater detail. However, before she's taken to jail (before Rex comes in), she elaborates on what happened to Ace Sr.: when their son was still just a baby, Ace had rescued a group of endangered animals and while flying them to safety, the airplane that they were in disappeared somewhere over the Bermuda Triangle, and Ace Ventura Sr. was never seen or heard from again after that.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

In the Himalayas, after a failed rescue mission results in a raccoon falling to its death (a parody of Cliffhanger), Ace Ventura has an emotional breakdown and joins a Tibetan monastery. Once he has recovered, he is approached by Fulton Greenwall, a British correspondent working for a provincial consulate in the fictional African country of Nibia. Because Ace's presence is troublesome to the monastery, the Grand Abbot gives Ace excuses to justify his departure, and sends him off with Greenwall. Greenwall takes Ventura to Africa, warning him about the hostility of eastern lowland gorillas as it is mating season. Greenwall wants Ventura to find the Great White bat 'Shikaka', a sacred animal of the Wachati tribe, which disappeared shortly after being offered as dowry of the Wachati Princess, who is set to wed the Wachootoo Prince to form armistice and peace between the two people. After arriving in Nibia and meeting with consul Vincent Cadby, Ace begins his investigation, but must overcome his intense fear of bats in order to succeed. Accompanied by his capuchin monkey, Spike, Ace begins his search for the missing bat. He eventually befriends the tribe's princess, who tries to seduce Ace. However, Ace admits his oath to celibacy, but quietly masturbates in a hut afterwards. Ace also befriends the tribal prince, Ouda, who assists Ace. Ace's investigation involves eliminating obvious suspects—animal traders, poachers, and a Safari park owner among others—and enduring the growing escalations of threat between the Wachati and the Wachootoo. After being attacked with drugged blow-darts, Ace suspects the medicine-man of the Wachootoo of taking the bat, as he strongly disapproves of the wedding. He travels to the Wachootoo tribal village, with Ouda translating the chief's words rather poorly. The Wachootoo mistake Ace as the "White Devil", and have him go through many dangerous and humiliating challenges to gain their trust. He eventually does when his pain makes the chief, entire tribe, and even Ouda laugh for the first time in years. Despite this, if the bat is not returned in time, the Wachootoo will declare war on the Wachati tribe. As a last joke, Ace is shot in the butt by a non-drugged blow-dart by the Chief. As he and Ouda walk back to the village, Ace realizes the dart he was shot with earlier is not the same as the one he was just shot with—meaning the Wachootoo didn't take Shikaka. Confused by the case, Ace consults the Grand Abbot via astral projection. Advised by the Abbot, Ace deduces that Cadby has taken the bat and hired Ace to divert suspicion from himself, having planned to let the tribes destroy each other so that he can then take possession of the numerous bat caves containing guano to sell as fertilizer worth billions. When Ace confronts Cadby, he learns he was hired as Cadby's alibi, and is arrested by tribal security chief Hitu. Ace calls an African elephant to escape, and summons herds of jungle animals to destroy Cadby's house. Cadby tries to shoot Ace, but is stopped by Greenwall who punches him in the face. Cadby escapes with the bat in a car, but Ace follows him in a monster truck. Ace destroys Cadby's car, leaving the bat cage lodged in a tree. Ace, despite his chronic fear of bats, bravely yet dramatically returns the bat just as the tribes are about to meet on the battlefield. Cadby, watching nearby, is discovered by Ouda. Ouda calls him the "White Devil" to give Ace more time, and Cadby is pursued by both tribes. After escaping, he encounters a female amorous silverback eastern lowland gorilla that mistakes him for a mate and is subsequently raped by the ape. The Princess is married to the Prince, who is revealed to be the man who humiliated Ace during one of the Wachootoo tribal challenges earlier. Moments later, it is discovered that the young bride is no longer a virgin, apparently on Ace's account. Despite this, peace between the once-separate tribes is achieved, when everyone joins together and furiously chases after Ace.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura is an eccentric, very unorthodox Miami-based private detective who specializes in retrieving tame or captive animals. He struggles to pay his rent, and is often mocked by the Miami Police Department, led by Lieutenant Lois Einhorn, who finds Ventura insufferable. Two weeks before the Miami Dolphins are to play in the Super Bowl, their mascot, a bottlenose dolphin named Snowflake, is kidnapped. Melissa Robinson, the Dolphins’ chief publicist, hires Ventura to find Snowflake. Searching Snowflake's tank for clues, Ventura finds a rare triangle-cut orange amber stone, which he recognizes as a part of a 1984 AFC Championship ring. Ace suspects billionaire Ronald Camp may have stolen Snowflake, as he is known for collecting exotic animals through less-than-reputable means and sources. Ventura and Melissa sneak into Camp's party, where Ventura mistakes a shark for Snowflake and is nearly eaten. Camp apologizes and shakes Ventura's hand, revealing on one of his own fingers an amber stone identical to the one Ventura found. Ruling out Camp, Ventura concludes that a member of the 1984 Miami Dolphins line-up may have kidnapped Snowflake, and attempts to identify the culprit by their rings. However, he discovers all of the team members’ rings are intact. Roger Podacter, the team's head of operations, mysteriously dies after falling from his apartment balcony. Einhorn declares it a suicide, but Ventura proves that it was murder. He comes across an old photograph of the football team, discovering an unfamiliar player named Ray Finkle, who was only added in during mid-season. Finkle missed the field goal kick at the end of Super Bowl XIX, which cost the Dolphins the championship, ruining his career. Visiting Finkle's parents, Ventura learns that Finkle fully blames Dan Marino for the end of his career due to Marino allegedly placing the ball incorrectly before the kick, and was subsequently committed to a mental hospital for homicidal tendencies. Marino is kidnapped himself shortly thereafter. Ventura visits Einhorn, pitching his theory that Finkle kidnapped both Marino and Snowflake in an act of revenge, since the dolphin has been given Finkle's old team number and a goal trick to boot. He also theorizes that Finkle murdered Podacter. Einhorn compliments Ventura and kisses him. Ventura and Melissa go to the mental hospital, the former posing as a potential patient, where he uncovers a newspaper article in Finkle's possessions about a missing hiker named Lois Einhorn. Ventura, with a clue from his dog, realizes that Einhorn is in fact Finkle: Finkle used the fact that the actual Einhorn was missing and presumed dead (with no body found), and took on her identity, had surgery to change his gender, and took advantage of her position in the Miami Police Department to eventually get revenge on Marino and the Dolphins. On Super Bowl Sunday, Ventura follows Einhorn to an abandoned yacht storage facility where she has Marino and Snowflake held hostage. Einhorn calls the police, framing Ventura for the kidnappings. Melissa and Ventura's friend, police officer Emilio, stage a hostage situation to get the police to listen to Ventura. Ventura strips Einhorn of her clothes to expose her failure to completely change her sex, but fails until Marino points out a bulge in the back of his underwear, actually Finkle's unchanged privates hidden out of view. This confirms that Finkle murdered Podacter after the latter had discovered Finkle's secret. Einhorn is arrested by the police after attacking Ventura, and Finkle's ring is identified to have a missing stone. Marino and Snowflake are welcomed back during half-time at the Super Bowl in a match between the Dolphins and the Philadelphia Eagles. Ventura tries to retrieve a valuable albino pigeon, but it is scared off by the Eagles’ mascot Swoop, causing Ventura to attack him in retaliation.

Skeeter

Drake is a corrupt and greedy developer who is illegally dumping toxic waste into the mines around the small town of Clear Sky, causing mosquitoes to mutate into giant beasts that attack and kill anything, including humans. A lawman of the town sheriff, Roy Boone, and his reunited love Sarah Crosby, must put a stop to both the pollution and the bugs. The body counts keep rising, which causes the locals to feel that they have to move out of the city. Crosby and environmental inspector Gordon Perry try to find the origin of the waste, but certain people try to prevent them for doing so due to Drake's evil deeds, which involves some hitmen.

Xtro II: The Second Encounter

Scientists at a secret underground complex have found a way to travel to another dimension. Three dimension-travellers are the first to go through the gate - but are soon attacked by something that interrupts the communication with Earth. This horrible something uses the gate to travel back to the underground complex. Most of the staff are evacuated, except four heavily armed militaries and Dr. Casserly and Dr. Summerfield who just cannot stand each other.

Xtro

Sam Phillips and his child Tony are playing outside their farm. The father is abducted by a strong light. Three years later, the light returns, and plants a seed. A half-human, half-alien creature grows up, and when it moves it is run over by a car. Ben is attacked and killed when he looks for the crash victim. Jane, his companion, is also killed by the hybrid creature. The monster then moves to a cottage nearby and attacks and impregnates a woman living there, before dissolving and dying. When she returns to consciousness, her belly rapidly and painfully grows to a gargantuan size that it even tears through her dress, showing movement inside her belly, and she gives birth, vaginally, to a fully formed and bloody Sam, who is connected to her by an umbilical cord like a baby is to its mother, before dying. Sam washes the blood off, steals Ben's clothes and drives his car without bothering to get rid of Jane's corpse, which will be found by a lorry driver. Sam seeks Tony, who lives in an apartment building in London, with his mother Rachael, her new boyfriend Joe Daniels, and a French au-pair Analise Mercier. Rachel and Joe are professional photographers and share a studio in town. Many nights, Tony has nightmares where he wakes up soaked in blood, but it's not his, as the family doctor discovers. Sam picks Tony up from school, until Rachel finds them. Although Joe doesn't like it, as he intends to marry Rachel, Sam goes to live with them, saying he can't remember anything. Tony sees him eating his pet snake's eggs and runs from him. Sam goes after him, talking to him smoothly, and drinks his blood. Rachel finds Jane's photo in Sam's clothes, but he can't remember her either. Tony discovers he has certain powers now, so he sends a human-sized toy soldier to kill their nasty neighbour Mrs Goodman, in revenge for killing his pet snake, and a toy clown becomes a human-like clown. Sam and Rachel both decide to visit their former residence, the farm, while leaving Tony in Analise's care. However, she brings Michael, her boyfriend, and they make love. Tony demands to play hide-and-seek with her. She does so, only to be knocked out by the clown and used as a womb for the alien eggs; Tony sends a toy tank to kill Michael. He discovers Analise and runs away, but a black panther kills him. The building keeper, Mr. Knight, is also killed when Rachel asks him to watch Tony, as nobody answers the phone at home. Sam and Rachel make love at the abandoned farm, but she gets afraid because his skin starts to bleed and decompose. Joe has taken Tony there. Sam and Tony go up a hill towards the alien light. Sam has now taken the form of an alien, and his scream kills Joe. Along with Tony, Sam enters the light and returns to the alien world. Rachel sits down in the field where Tony and Sam left, and the next day returns to her apartment, only to be seen full of eggs. She picks up an egg, only to be killed by the same creature that impregnated the woman in the cottage as her apartment door slams shut behind her.